The Study

Steam Punk

Dreams 6

Okay, so a whole bunch of stuff happened before this part of the dream, but i don't remember it clearly enough to write about it. at some point i began to draw this rudimentary dragon/phoenix combo in pencil on an index card. It had a crescent shaped head, and it took up about 1/3 of the card. i began drawing energy waves coming off of it, somehow circling around the index card to do so, almost as if i were floating. Then, in the way of dream transitions, all my circling and floating strangely turned the paper into a big pond about a 1/2 acre in size, with really dark water and black, algae infused rocks. Keep in mind that i'm still floating and circling, and drawing but not drawing? So a really thick fog forms up in my pond, really dense and covering everything but the tips of a few of the tallest rocks. It's beautiful, i feel like i'm in the clouds looking down on zen mountains. So i retreat to the corner of the pond with the idea to take a picture before the fog burns off, but as if my thoughts controlled the world (which they do) the fog burns off before i can take a pic. i do a leaping glide (which is my main dream-flying style) diagonally across the pond, my hand touching down on a slimy rock halfway, and eventually landing on my stomach in the shallows of the pond with gritty sand under me. i get up, and a little gray crocodile tries to chase me down, but i fake him out and head up these wooden stairs to a patio that looks suspiciously like my grandparents old house, and then i wake up......

Dreams 5

Okay, so the beginning part of the dream that i can remember is right after i did a concert with Brian Picco at some little club, which was located in this gigantic island city that i've actually dreamed about several times before and toured in detail, but which doesn't actually exist. it has impossibly tall buildings, and it used to have a humongous white stone statue of all four members of the Doors (like several thousand feet tall) which was torn down for reasons unknown to me. Anyways, in this dream i referred to this city as San Francisco, and after the show Picco had to head back up to Chicago, and i walked home from SF via a strange footbridge that was under the real bridge off of the island, and then i took some weird backroads and got home in about 15 minutes. Next, i went to this little curbside music show that i had organized, and the first group (playing in lawn chairs on the sidewalk like parade watchers) consisted of Phil Levy on guitar and vocals, Brian Picco's dad on vocals, and Lewis' grandma on vocals and drums. i watched them play a stellar version of 'Across the Universe' by the Beatles (which in my dream i thought was called 'Jackeroo Daydream'), and then i went to a convenience store to get cigs, but when i got there, i saw that there were still 5 in my pack, so i ordered a steak and cheese. while it was cooking, i went back out and Lewis' granny was leading the group through some jazz standards. Went back for the food, and was talking to someone about a different store that was run by a crazy guy from Uzbekistan, and the guy who ran this store told me he was Lebanese. i went back out, and Brian Picco's dad told me that several Philharmonic orchestra players wanted to come audition for their music group the next day......and then i woke up.

The Cosmic Athlete

Arcana

In a ever expanding universe of infinite possibilities, why do we insist on thinking in finite absolutes? The non-linear, shape-shifting nature of energy is continually masked by our box-like, compartmentalized thought patterns, carefully groomed and forced into place by the dull persistence of socialization. We hold the key in one hand and simultaneously take it away with the other hand. Maybe it's time for the children to teach us, instead of the other way around, for we are ever born without borders, in formless perfection. Amorphous energetic beings that can observe the infinite, and not turn away in selfish concerns. The way out is the way in, but we've plastered over the entryway with faded and jaded pictures of ourselves. To remove the bindings, we must first abandon the comfortable haven of the ego and self image, and confront the universe in silent naivete, seeking knowledge and not personal gain. Only then can the true nature of existence reveal itself to us. Only then will we recall our magical heritage.

We Made It

We Made It

A molten lake of fire. The very image of hell to most, but not to Harold. While most people dreamed of clouds and angels, bright light and posthumous family reunions, all Harold wanted was to burn; to dissolve into nothing. No more aching joints or shaking hips, no more troublesome cough or faulty memory. No more sagging skin or liver spots. Just burn it all please, he would think. And this morning seemed to finally be the day. His lovely wife Helen had dreamed years ago that there would come a day when the sun would seem not to rise. On this black day, they would set adrift at sea in their special coffin built for two, to be reclaimed by whatever bizarre creature that had given them life these seventy some odd years ago. Harold had been nearly desperate to do this every day, but as usual, he trusted Helen's insight and forbearance completely. She had never been wrong about important things in all their 54 years of marriage. And besides, seeing her face, touching her hand, and holding her close was every bit as important as their date with oblivion.

So when he awoke on that late June morning, the darkness did not alarm him, even though his clock claimed it to be nearly 8am. Helen was already up, of course, most likely having tea at her favorite lookout spot at the very top of the lighthouse that had been their home for the last 40 years. He creaked and groaned out of bed, grabbed the piece of wood that he required to be ambulatory, and headed for the washroom. He would wash up, put on his sunday finest, and go meet his beloved at the tower top for the last time. He smiled to himself, showing his old, wooden teeth. Even in sharing the world with his favorite person, life had become tiresome, and now today was the day they could finally drift away.

Even relieving himself was painful at his age, but this morning he did so with aplomb, from there hopping into one of those laughable senior citizen idiot-proof bathtubs; today though, he washed without the bitterness and shame he normally felt, shined himself clean as a whistle. Yessiree. Combing the tattered remnants of his hair, applying some cologne, and dressing in his finest brown pinstripe 3 piece suit was a laborious and awkward hour. Normally, Helen would help him, but she would know very well that he would want no help on this very special day. Their last day on earth. He finally straightened his tie, and looked himself over in the mirror. Age just seems to sneak up on you, he thought as his looked into his eyes, the same eyes of the unruly teenager he used to be, but now surrounded by old and shapeless sagging skin, and a weak and wasted frame. So strange, the mirror did not reflect how he felt, it showed him someone he refused to recognize. his grabbed up his cane again, and headed to the lift that would take him to the top of the lighthouse. The lift that would take him to Helen. He waited impatiently as it rose slowly up toward the top, and he was reminded of their wedding day, when he waited at the altar for what had seemed eternity, but was really only an hour or so. She was so beautiful on that day, in her grandmother's white dress, with fresh flowers in her hand. It was one of the happiest days of his life. He stepped slowly out of the lift, cane clumping on the the towertop floor, and thought he had stepped back in time as he saw her. She was wearing the dress, carefully preserved all these years, and as she turned from the railing overlooking the sea, she seemed the same vibrant eighteen year old girl he had said I do to all those years ago. He always thought of her so, and was continually surprised to note her grey hair and wrinkles. She set her tea down carefully, and picked up a bouquet of fresh lilies as she walked over to meet him. No infernal cane for her. She had always been the stronger of the two, even though he had hauled the nets and won the bread for them all this time.

"Harold, my light."

"Helen, my love."

"It's time."

"Yes, we've finally made it."

Her right hand clasped his left and they walked to the railing together, to share their favorite spot for the last time. Looking out over the angry sea, cloaked in unnatural darkness and battered to white foam on the rocky shore, they felt love in their hearts and relief in their minds. Somewhere out their, on the deceptively calm horizon, they would this day vanish into infinity. Together.

"Ready?"

"Ever and always, for you, Helen. I am ready."

Without another word, they made their way back down in the lift and then slowly and painfully (for Harold at least) out to their dock. They pulled the tarp off of the special floating coffin he had built what seemed like ages ago, when they had first conceived this plan. Neither one of them had wanted to waste away in a hospital or a nursing home, so they had decided to meet their maker in their own way, Helen's insightful dreams instructing them in the timing and the manner. The coffin was lined with soft velvet, and sized to accommodate the two of them quite comfortably. They had tried it out years ago when Harold built it, and he had been tempted to stay there and rot, but Helen had chided him gently, saying it was not the time. She had been right, of course, as she usually was.

Now they lay down in the coffin again, and pushed off gently into the sea, the tide seeming to flow backwards to help them on their way. They held hands and drifted, farther and farther away from the shore and their lighthouse home, until nothing was visible but the black sky and the the equally black sea.

"Harold, do you ever regret staying with me even though I was unable to produce children for you?"

"Not for a second my dear. The little buggers would have just gotten in our way, and if we had told them about this, they would have stuck us in a home, to rot with all the other oldies." The seaspray misted their faces lightly, and the waves rocked them gently in their coffin built for two.

"Thank you Harold."

"No, thank you Helen. You made my life worth living."

And with that, they let their minds wander, and the last thing Harold could remember was the soft mist on his face, and the warmth of Helen's hand in his.

Wotmaniac

Owlishness

Zen

Fab Four

Get closer and see.... see into the trees.... just follow your eyes.... just follow your eyes....

Maybe someday

Whispering

I am the scout who never figured it out......the perfect assistant at the end of existence.

Time

Lifeforms

Bands i seen

Tool (2)
Tori Amos (2)
Nirvana
The Breeders (2)
Smashing Pumpkins
Fishbone
Primus (2)
The Beastie Boys
Dinosaur Jr. (2)
The Mars Volta (2)
The Red Hot Chili Peppers
Greenday
U2
Alice In Chains (2)
Jane's Addiction
Nine Inch Nails
Ice - T
Body Count
Living Colour
The Butthole Surfers
Souixsie and the Banshees
Rufus Wainwright
Bjork
Jurassic 5
A Tribe Called Quest
The Roots (2)
The Drunken Immortalz
Efelbed
Front 242
Arrested Development
George Clinton (2)
L7
They Might Be Giants
Wolfmother
Linkin Park
A Perfect Circle
Beck
Dead Can Dance
Wu-Tang Clan
Rage Against the Machine (2)
The Toasters (2)
Let's Go Bowling
Huey Lewis and the News
Lenny Kravitz
Blind Melon
Rollins Band
Violent Femmes
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Buffalo Daughter

Cibo Matto

Yellow Magic Orchestra

Dreams 4: October 15, 2006

Okay, this is a weird one, and i was an outside observer in this one. In my dream there was this super secret scientific research laboratory that was way out in the country, i'm talking dirt roads only, and surrounded and inundated with many beautiful trees. It had a fence around the acreage, like a compound, and there was maybe 8 or 10 science people living there. My dream started with a lot of back story and discovery about this place, which, now that i'm awake is very vague and hard to put into words, but i am left with the feeling that it was somewhere that had been in operation for a long time and a lot of really strange and secret things had happened there.
So, at a point, this husband and wife research team are moved to the compound to study mutation and the psychology of shapeshifting, and i follow along with them as they discover the place. they are both intelligent, and the man is reserved and the woman is very sweet. At a breakthrough in their research, i watch the woman transform into a vicious green demon with a long tail and then back to herself. Her eyes went from fright at what was happening, to power when she was in demon form, to fright when she changed back again. That was the really freaky part, her eyes. After that happened, the people of the compound locked her in a cell, which she agreed to because of the unstable nature of her shapeshifting, but once confined to the cell she went nuts and started acting like a raving lunatic......and then i woke up, wondering whose story i intruded on and whether i should turn it into a book or a short story.

Take it to the Bridge

Dreams 3: May 28, 2006

so i was at this underground secret Tool concert that was being held in an abandoned, half destroyed elementary school, and before the band was on i was out in the parking lot, hanging out with frat-type dudes in the back of a pickup truck. The frat dudes all pulled out weed, and one of them rolled this weird little blunt and we smoked it. Then from the parking lot i meandered downhill to the destroyed side of the school, which turned out to be where the band was set up, only they were set up behind this waist high wall and their set up included couches and tables. i met Maynard as they started to play, and he let me sing some of Stinkfist, giving me the mic (relax, turn around and take my hand). Then, later in the set, they started playing 10000 days, and i looked at Maynard and said "i fucking love this song" so he let me sing a little of that too. After they played, i went back to the parking lot and the pickup truck, and the frat dudes were gone, but they left all their weed, so i gathered it up and went back to hang out with the band. Maynard told me to call him 'Keenan' and i told him i have a friend named Keenan, then we smoked the weed and chilled out on the couches in this weird abandoned destroyed elementary school.....then i woke up.
peace.

10000 eyes

Drawing i did the first time i listened to 10,000 days by Tool.

Dreams 2: March 10, 2006, in Japanese

私が見た私の母親の車として............................目が覚めたオーケージョン、Jble、ピッコので、私は、この疑似軍事的な夏のキャンプに向かっていたのに、なぜか分からない。ときに我々が、その武装した警備員どこでこの巨大な複合された。我々は、化合物の暗い地下室には、上下に護衛されたが、約50 dudesここにされた'キャンプ'。化合物のリーダーは、極悪非道な男だったし、彼右私のことを指摘し、'とする'。幸いにも、他の男がすぐ隣なので、それが誰かを知るためにくじを引くためだった、と私は、長いわらを選んだ。'私たちは証拠もなし'がいたので、地下に降りると言ったと何もしないことができます。彼らはそのように、私は新しいものについては変更することが向かった。私はMCDの公衆電話から私の母と呼ばれる彼女たち来た人に言っても、帰りにレストランに入って、私は、このガタガタの古いクローゼットの床の下に、'大きな見返り'を待っている所を隠している悪魔のような指導者を見たと述べた。彼は私の運のいい一と呼ばれる。ジョン、ブライアンと私はこの機会に、高速道路で出かけようになり、対向車と一緒に歩く。次に、1つの陣営が、私たちに続くガードのみを当社の階段で私たちcongradulateする。私はその時点で明確な計画を持っていなかった1バレル回転時に、私が、わずか2弾だったので、私は階段の下で再び隠したことに気づいた。彼らは次の日に、いくつかのキャンパー（私と私の友人の）マクドナルドに外出（武装した護衛艦で、もちろん、撮影された）に含まれます。はMCDの建物と小さな町のスタイルで一般小売店のように歳でした。我々はソーダさんとハンバーガー、そして、iは銃についてのジョンとブライアンは言っても、次にiが明るい青色のユニフォームをいくつかの新しい軍人に気づき、化合物のツアーだった。私は彼らが他の人のように悪さを知っていたので、私は彼らに近づき、これらの人々がやっていると伝えました。そのため、他の男をここでの指導者、そして（この奇妙された）の化合物の人々がこの貧しい男皮をはぐに鉄条網を使用して、かれらは食べていた。私とだから私の友達と当然のことながら性交にびびるが、私たちは非常に我々の力を注ぐようになりました。その夜、すべての'キャンプ'は、邪悪な古い地下にスリープ状態にあったが、彼らは私たち鉄条網に包まれた睡眠した。どういうわけか私は自分自身に解明を探るようになり、脱出のいくつかの手段を探している。暗く、ほこり、古い階段を背景に、私は殺し屋のシューティング鉄のような大きなOleで拳銃を発見した。

Dreams 1: January 22, 2006

I had this weird dream last night where me, hamilton, jble, tina and a few others whose names and faces I can no longer recall were on vacation at this pseudo hotel that was set up like a seven story elementary school (made out of cheap and sturdy materials). It was near a beach that was near the forests and mountains, the kind of thing you would find up north. We went to the beach, went to the forest like a normal type vacation, and then at a certain point in my hotel room (which was all the way at the end of the hall on the 5th floor), I realized that there were several shape-changing zombies hiding in my closet waiting for me to let my guard down so they could begin their reign of terror. They were currently disguised as tall knights like mean and silent versions of the black knight from Holy Grail (with glowing eyes). I grabbed my huge grey and chrome handgun and quietly slipped out the door to my classroom looking hotel room, with the intention of warning the others, whom I found on the roof. Hamilton already had suspicions so he left us to get his gun and was going to meet us on the first floor. Jble and Tina were freaked out and ready to try and escape, but no one else really believed me, so a few morons went to my room to check it out. I made Jble and Tina wait on an outdoor stairwell where they would be safe, and followed the others to the corridor where my room was. They were destroyed, and the zombies came towards me, now in the shape of malicious vinyl hobby horses, one of them with the corpse of a friend in his jaws. I hit him with a bullet right between the eyes, rounded up some survivors and went off to rendevous with hamilton. As I was headed down to the lobby, my old friend Andy Morgan called me on my celll phone. When I answered, he was singing some bizarre childrens' song. "hey man" I told him, "I'm being chased by shape-changing zombies right now, so can I call you back?" He said sure and as I hung up, we ran into Hamilton, who was dressed up like a woman in a purple mu-mu, with a black beret, some gold earrings and a little make-up. He said that it was to throw the zombies off, because they didn't like to kill women. He also had his gun with him, so we went to collect Jble and Tina, and they were alright, right where I left them, and then............I woke up to the sound of my dog barking. Oh, well, let's go watch some football. peace.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.